I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
