I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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