Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize