just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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