you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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