so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
