It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
