It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
