Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
