i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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