The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
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