How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
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Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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