i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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