Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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