Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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