my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
