Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
