hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
