Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
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He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
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Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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