were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
