Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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