Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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