I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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