Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
