my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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