Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
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She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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