Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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