Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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