I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
