Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
it's like heaven, but drunker
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He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
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You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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