Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
