I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
