Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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