easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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