I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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