: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
