I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
This girl is more easily done than said...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline