I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
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i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
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420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.