i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?