You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right