the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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