Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
