Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
