i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
