Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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