I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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