I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
