Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
