What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
