Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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