I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
