Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
