you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
