can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize