I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
