i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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